“Mindfulness is about paying attention, deliberately and without judgement, as best you can, to what is going on in your body and your mind and in the world around you.”
Jon
Kabat-Zinn founder
and former director of the world-renown Mindfulness-Based Stress
Reduction (MBSR) Clinic.
We
spend the majority of our lives on automatic pilot, reacting to
situations from habit and the largest cause of anxiety for most of us is
not caused by outside events but by the thoughts we have about them.
Our minds judge and categorise everything we experience as good, bad
or indifferent. To test this pay attention to your thoughts for ten
minutes as you go about your day. The endless analysing and assessing
is exhausting and can make it difficult to experience peace of mind.
The thoughts that circle while experiencing infertility are far more
terrifying than the day-to-day experience. “What if I never get to
be a parent?” “What if infertility conquers me?”
When
we consciously slow down and check in with our bodies, our thoughts
and our feelings, we open ourselves up to a wider perspective. We
become an impartial witness to our thoughts and in this way they lose
their power.
You
can begin to practice mindfulness right now by bringing your
attention to your breathing. Simply observe the coming and going of
your breath and the subtle changes in your body. Studies have shown that practising mindfulness regularly can
have a beneficial effect on your health, improve your sleep and reduce stress and anxiety.
I
had tried meditation before and labelled myself as a “bad
meditator” as I could not stop my mind from thinking. I now realise
that even monks who have been practising for decades cannot stop
their minds from thinking, that is just what minds do. Mindfulness
teaches us observe our thoughts rather than try to stop or manipulate
them.
I
believe that mindfulness is invaluable for anyone faced with
infertility. I completed a mindfulness-based stress reduction (MBSR)
course through my fertility clinic and the techniques have been life
changing. Over eight weeks I laid foundations in the attitudes of
non-judging, patience, beginner’s mind, non-striving, acceptance,
trusting and letting go.
The cognitive behaviour element of the course teaches you to develop
self-compassion, allowing you to be kind to yourself when you need it
most. We are often our own worst critics and infertility can rob you
of your self-confidence, trust in your body, even your faith
in life. By asking, “How can I
best take care of myself?” you develop a trust in yourself
that you can handle anything that comes up. You realise that you are
stronger than you first thought.
On
my journey I have learnt that although I cannot control everything that happens to me, I do have a choice on how I respond to these
circumstances. By taking the time to step back and observe, rather
than reacting immediately, I have come to see new possibilities and
outcomes that at first may not have seemed possible.
Finding
acceptance while experiencing infertility is extremely difficult, but
if achieved can allow you to re-focus your energy. Instead of denying
and resisting what is, you are able to find new ways to support
yourself and move forward.
Mindfulness
allows us to change our perspective. We may view IVF as an
overwhelming and stressful eight-week block of time but if we break
it down into moments we will see that maybe we can handle each moment
as it comes. A three second injection, a 20-minute procedure. The
anxiety we build up around these moments in our thoughts can be far
worse than the experience itself.
Letting
go is a way of letting things be, without grasping or pushing away.
In terms of infertility it does not mean letting go of your desire to
be a parent. Mindfulness encourages you to relax your grip on how and
when that might happen and let go of your fears and anxieties for the
future.
If
you are interested in starting your own mindfulness practice and learning more about the mindbody link then read about my new Embrace course.
Updated
Nov 2013
